That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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