The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How does one acquire holy water?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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