I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
