I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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