New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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