..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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