Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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