I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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