I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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