I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
