You work out of a Hotel?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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