This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
