Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
