Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
