Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
BRING THE BAGELS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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