dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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