Got a toothbrush?
you win again, gameday.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
