I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
