I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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