Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
