woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
