To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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