in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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