do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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