I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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