my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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