I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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