I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize