Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize