i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
