Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
