so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
