I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
