sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
