Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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