I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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