i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
