just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
