I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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