his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
