My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
