sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
