A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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