Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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