How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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