You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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