Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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