i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
