You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
