you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
