roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
