Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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