Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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