you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
