Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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