I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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