Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
