Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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