I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
