i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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