I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize