do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
