I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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