there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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